Lost and beat

I've noticed lately how lost and beat I seem to be. My apartment is in shambles. I try to avoid it rather than fix it. I work the entire freaking weekend, all weekend - I'm so beat. I am horrible with managing money. I'm sick this week, and praying that I will be better by the weekend so I can work, I have only been there two weeks, I don't want to call off - how horrible would that be?

I started strong with my weight loss and I've semi been doing ok. I haven't been to the gym as much as I wanted to be though. I blame it on being sick, even though I know I could be there, it would just be too much work. I guess I should be doing exercise at home. Bleh. I'm still ordering salads and lettuce on my burgers etc. I try to pick things that are good. Well, I lied. I want to try. Tomorrow is class at 2. Bleh. Blah. Blech. I don't want to go. I don't feel good and I don't think we will be in the lab, thus I can't play boring games the whole time.

I'm selling all my scrubs from my Vet job and program. I hope I make some decent money. It won't be anymore than like 20 bucks if that, but, it will help counter act the 70 I spent tonight on Woody. My dad is going to kill me. It's not bad though that when I get money I want to spoil my Mr. Woody woobles is it? No. Well, yes since I have bills to pay, but I am demonstrating my lovely and spoilish nature!


*sigh* I'm tired. And sick. And going to bed.

Ramble, Ramble, Ramble!

So, lately things have been crazy and I've been rather depressed. Did you know that 30% of women are depressed? That's insane! Only about 15% of men are depressed - it's not fair. I would just like to take this time to ramble a little bit about a variety of things.

I've not been keeping up with my prayers as much as I should, but I am on track now that I've realized I was letting them slip. I'm glad God made me realize that. I also missed Church last week - which I miss dearly, I am going to go to the early service this week - maybe I can get Melissa to go and we can still do Church and lunch.

I broke up with my boyfriend yesterday. It was hard. It sucked. It's not because I didn't care - it's because I knew that it wasn't going to be long term. So many of our long term life goals were different that there was no way either of us would be happy with one another. They were at such opposite ends of the spectrum that to meet in the middle would be compromising both our lives severely and thus not worth it. I'm now in search of a new date. My friend wants me to go to a speed dating event with her. We shall see....

I've discovered that Woody likes eggrolls! Now, whether he is shredding them or eating them is debatable, but either way he enjoys them - his pinning little eyes tell me so! Oh, and they give him bad, liquid poop. Oh well. It happens to me too.

Something amazing happened to me today - I saw muscle in my arm. Yes, that's right, a bicep! Way to go Curves! I'm so glad I joined. I wish I went more often, but I am already seeing improvement. I still eat the same and I'm not sure if I've lost any weight, but, I feel better about myself and my metabolism is boosted.

My father and mother might come up Friday morning and spend some time with me. I hope they do - I haven't seen them in a while. I'd also like my mother to come to the gym with me and both my parents be able to meet Melissa. I am praying that it works out.

Well, I have napping to do before my midnight screening of "Friday the 13th". Wish me sweet dreams.

Faith and Weight

I feel like with my new found zeal for faith that I too have the power to become more healthy. Last Wednesday I joined Curves gym, right down the road from me. I've attended 3 times and I have no craving for unhealthy things - all I crave now is smaller portion sizes, salads and diet sodas. It's weird.

I just watched "Supersize me". Oh my goodness. This movie has reminded me for my motivation to lose weight and be healthy. I am no longer doubting if I should do this - I'm sure hands down that this is the right thing for me. 60% of Americans are obese, even though it seems like most are thin and beautiful the facts say this is not so. Obese Americans are the rule. I know now that I would like to be an exception.

And I know that with God and his power of taking away my cravings I can do it, I can be the exception.

Lord give me patience... NOW!

I've never been a patient person. Ever. Several times that has been my downfall. I hate dieting and 'getting healthy' because I want to see the results of giving up that cheesecake and working out NOW. When I quilt, I want it to be done NOW so I machine quilt even though hand-quilting is much more valuable and has a unique look to it. When I go for a college degree I want it done NOW and I end up losing my motivation quickly. When I go to work I want money NOW - which is why I got a serving job >.o

Today's world is so fast pace everyone wants results now. Sometimes we can say the same thing regarding our relationship to God. We ask for this or that but if we don't see it within a few days we get angry and think that he isn't listening but the case is that we just forget about things that he has done for us. Because we didn't get that new car or raise we forget about the time last week that we almost got hit by a car but we slid out of the way because the road was icy.

He doesn't forget we just need to be more aware.

The List

I know that many people have a prayer list - list of praises and requests. I can see where it would be helpful, a good reminder of what you wanted to cover - lists have always been the most common form of reminder.

So, I thought this would be a good plan for me, so today after my exam I decided to make a list of my own.

It goes something like this:

1) Help Joey come to know you
2) Keep my grandparents in good health
3) Help Chelsea with her struggles right now
4) Keep Luke's faith innocent and strong
5) Help me take small steps to being healthier, lose weight and become more active
6) Give me the endurance to get closer to you
7) Grant me a faith like my fathers
8) Help papa reach his weight loss goal
9) Thank you for leading me to Melissa - we've become such close friends
10) Keep me going to church

Thank you,

Amen

Will God take me back?

I was talking to my mother tonight about my new zeal for God. She confirmed with me that it's comforting to know that you're going to live forever. I confessed to her that I didn't know if God would take me back, if I could be a part of his family. In her wisdom and infinite knowledge she said this, "Abraham was old, issac was a daydreamer, jacob was a liar, leah was ugly, joseph was abused, moses had a stuttering problem, gideon was a afraid, samson had long hair and was a womanizer, rahab was a prostitute, jeremiah and timoth were young, david had a affair and was a murderer, elijah was suicidal, jonah ran from God, john the baptist ate bugs, peter denied Christ, martha worried about everything, zaccheus was small, lazarus was dead, and you still wonder".

Wow. Way to comfort mom.

Prayers

This week myself and my church is reading Psalms chapters 58-65. While reading those today I came across a beautiful chapter that I would like to make my prayer.

This is Psalms 61 of the New International Version:

1 Hear my cry, O God;
listen to my prayer.

2 From the ends of the earth I call to you,
I call as my heart grows faint;
lead me to the rock that is higher than I.

3 For you have been my refuge,
a strong tower against the foe.

4 I long to dwell in your tent forever
and take refuge in the shelter of your wings.
Selah

5 For you have heard my vows, O God;
you have given me the heritage of those who fear your name.

6 Increase the days of the king's life,
his years for many generations.

7 May he be enthroned in God's presence forever;
appoint your love and faithfulness to protect him.

8 Then will I ever sing praise to your name
and fulfill my vows day after day.

Faith

I was raised as a Christian. Missionary Alliance to be exact - we believed the most important aspect of our faith was sharing it with others. I attended Hillside Chapel for almost 13 years before we decided that our family was not getting the growth that we needed from it. Pastoral problems, financing, the culture of the church...it was all going downhill. My family no longer fit.

We then attended a Christmas Eve sermon at Beavercreek Church of the Nazarene - "the big church on N. Fairfield" - much to my fathers protest. We knew we were looking for a church, but we didn't know what we were looking for in a church. The service that night told us what we were looking for, we felt at home immediately. We quickly began getting involved in Sunday services, Wednesday night activities and small groups. We made friends and excelled.

Eventually, I hit a rebellious stage and refused to go to anything church related. I disowned God, BCN, and all faith. I began to do things that I'm no longer proud of - things I regret. A few years later into my rebel stage I began to mellow out and go back to my roots of Christianity. In the last year I have hungered for it, and wanted to be close to God but didn't know if I wanted to give up the easiness and comfort of my sinful life. I thought to myself "I'm a Christian, I'm going to Heaven" but I never really knew for sure. I thought I was but then I would go out and do sinful things, things I knew would damn me forever.

I made a good friend my first year of college. We began to attend Church together. It all started with me wanting to go, but not alone and she had mentioned that she was looking for a church. I invited her and immediately New Life was a hit with us. It was viral, we brought our friends, our family - we love it. To this day we still continue to go.

Todays sermon was about whether or not you are really saved. Are you a true child of God? I had been pondering these things for several weeks and today all my questions were answered. I found out how to ensure that I would have a seat in Heaven. It is going to take some work, but an enterity of happiness is worth it I believe.

Several months ago I made a "prayer box" to help me cope with the overwhelming amount of stress in my life. When something worries me and I feel that I need help with it, I write it on a note card, date it, and put it in my box. Upon closing the lid, I don't worry about it anymore, God takes it from there. Looking back through it, many of these requests have come true.

"Help find Indi a good home." Indi got picked up friday by a wonderful couple who wasn't even looking for a bird, but fell in love with him immediately.

"Keep me in good health." Haven't got sick yet.

"Help Joey give up his addiction." He did last night.

"Let me find a way to take Violin lessons." I got a call this morning after Church about free lessons in exchange for some instruction on how to work a new laptop computer - cake.

I realize that I need to follow God, I need to be his daughter. I want to be. I will be.

I'm so excited to be a part of the family.